Being Fit Helps Couples

SHORT DESCRIPTION: This article compares the similaritites between toning up
your body with tuning up your marriage! Just like being a sedentary couch
potatoe adversely affects your fitness level, being disconnected in your
relationship can have an adverse affect on your marital satisfaction. If you
approach a marriage like you approach a fitness program, you can reap similar
benefits with your spouse.

BODY OF ARTICLE: Twenty years ago this spring, my husband Larry and I eloped in
a frenzy of young love and passion. On that memorable day long ago, I never
would've considered the fact that, despite our best efforts, we would not stay
the same.

Not only has our appearance changed (don't get me started!), but our opinions,
habits and even our views of the world have evolved. Daily life has become such
a laundry list of onerous chores that paying bills fells like relaxation by
comparison.

Infertility, followed be a miscarriage, followed by 3 children in 2 years, a
move to the big city all contributed to the neglect of our marriage in spite of
our mutual devotion. It slowly occurred to me that real love is not something
that happens to us, but something that requires a daily choice.

Marriage, like cars, need maintenance tune-ups and occasionally more major
repairs. My husband and I decided to commit to spending more time together and
to use that time efficiently. Problem was, we had no "extra" time. Like Anna
Quindlen says, "Our days were like a cross between a decathalon and stations of
the cross".

Over the past year, since both of our schedules showed no signs of easing, we
committed our exercise time as the most available time for togetherness.

First, we evaluated what activites we both enjoyed, figuring that the couple
that plays together, stays together.

We committed to three 20 minute workouts per week and at the end of each week we
had a "date night" which was at least one hour to talk. Then we realized that if
we spent our workout time during that week reviewing marital skills like
communication, resolving conflict, meeting each other's needs that we could
then discuss it at our end-of-the-week date night.

What we found out surprised us!First, we found out that our workout time had
been cutting into our time spent with each other.Secondly, that exercise became
a metaphor for a marriage, because working out had a way of flushing out issues.
As we got to sweat together, we accepted more fully each others' weaknesses(him)
and admired each others' strengths(me).

We also realized that, not only are our bodies different, but how and why we
exercise are different too.

We couldn't do every exercise together. I need more stretching and my husband
needs to work on his abs. What we committed to is using our workout time to
think about and discuss marital issues. We picked several marriage topics and
used this as our guide.

Something amazing happened! We rekindled that young passion we started with two
decades before.Becoming proactive, we were tuning up our marriage while toning
up our (aging) muscles. Not death-defying but possibly divorce-defying!

This pattern of regular workout time spent together is the first investment in
not growing apart.

Here's the plan.Pick a list of activities both of you enjoy. If you cannot come
up with a list of compatible activites, perhaps you will walk while he runs,
looping back every few blocks or you do stretches while he focuses on ab work.
At the end of the week, you meet for date night to discuss this week's topic and
complete a few questions.

Did I forget to mention that one possible topic is "Good Sex"? Women, this is
your hook to get those disinterested mates on board!

As Larry and I draw nearer to that 20th anniversary milestone, we may be in the
"autumn" of our life together but this exercise program has helped us rekindle
a bit of "spring" in our step and some "summer" in our marriage.

There's nothing like a program to work up a sweat outside the bedroom. Let's
Tune it up!

RESOURCE BOX: Penny Love Hoff, fitness professional and self-proclaimed marital
coach, is the author of the revolutionary CD workout program"Does My Marriage
Make Me Look Fat?", an eight week fitness program for couples to radically
change your body and reawaken your relationship.You can find her at
http://www.doesmymarriagemakemelookfat.com